It feels so hard.

Have you ever felt like you should do something but that one tiny thing just felt so hard and difficult to do?

You’re tired.

You cry at the drop of a hat.

You are so very angry.

You are so very sad.

Everything is hard.

Depression mixed with Postpartum Depression feels awful.

I remember one afternoon after work I wanted to go walk on the beach but I hadn’t had enough food for the day so knew I should have a snack before I went. There’s a Dollar General right across the street from where I work I could get a snack from. The conversation that ensued in my head was just crazy to think about now.

“It’s out of the way.”

“I should just go home.”

“Do I really want to walk today?”

“It just feels so hard.”

That last thought is the one that stopped me cold. It reminded me of a therapy session I’d recently had. My therapist had asked me if I could take the baby and go for walks, even little short ones. I started crying. I could, I’d said, but it just feels so hard. She said, “That’s the depression talking. It makes everything, even little tiny things we use to do without even thinking about, seem so very hard to do.”

Nope! Not going down that rabbit hole. I forced myself to drive across the street, buy a dang snack, and eat it on the way to my beach parking spot I normally go to. I had a shorter walk that day because of having to pick up the baby and making that extra stop but I felt so much better after. I did feel a little emotional, not gonna lie, but I did the dang thing.

Some days its easier to just do the dang thing. Other days, I let it take over and consume me. The difference is, nowadays, I try to give myself grace with whatever decision I make.

It has gotten easier. Seeing a therapist definitely helps. My near daily walks help tremendously.

Walking is my jam and I use to always be in the mood for it. I’m a better person on the days I can get my walks in.

What about you? Is there something you use to love doing but just feels so hard to do now?